Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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