That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
