I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize