all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do vagina's smell?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
