A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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