There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I understand Curling. That high.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
