oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
