This is not my ceiling
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
