and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
