I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he thought i was a dude.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
