but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
third nipple confirmed
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
