He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
