I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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