the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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