I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
