I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
