i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize