You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
