Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
