Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
