Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
