I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
