You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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