sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
