Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
