I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
