I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
