His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have post one night stand depression
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
