ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
