he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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