I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
