then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
