Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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