So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize