I wanna bring you to show and tell
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
