don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
