There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
