I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
