so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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