why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
