I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
