just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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