Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
