shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
