sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
