hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
