Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
