You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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