don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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