just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
