Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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