I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
