Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
