The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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