chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
