Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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