I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
