My Higher Power is John Stamos
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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