Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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