she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
