Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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