Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
