Redeem this text for a blowjob
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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