She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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