Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
