he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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