he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
